


Feel I Could Touch the Sky

by A_Little_Boosh_Maid



Series: Zooniverse Nights [2]
Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Awkward First Times, Backstory, Best Friends, Dreams and Nightmares, Dry Humping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Friendship, Male Slash, Mild Sexual Content, Not Kidding the Sex Part Reads Like Porn Written for 6 Year Olds, Prequel to Bollo s01e03, Season/Series 01, Sharing a Bed, Very Innocent First Timers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15573639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Little_Boosh_Maid/pseuds/A_Little_Boosh_Maid
Summary: In which Vince has a nightmare, and Howard has to comfort him, with unexpected results.





	Feel I Could Touch the Sky

Howard was woken by the sound of Vince having a nightmare. He didn't have them very often, but when he did, he tossed and turned in bed, and made a high-pitched keening noise of distress that could probably have only been heard by nearby dogs and Howard.

Howard got up and sat in the chair next to Vince's bed, putting on the small lamp so that Vince would not wake in fear in the dark. He gently stroked Vince's hair away from his brow, reflecting on the strange fact that the same action which would cause Vince to snap at him if he were awake was the easiest way to calm him when he was asleep.

Howard barely admitted to himself that he enjoyed touching Vince's dark hair, only acknowledging that at least it made him quieten. Vince lay still now, and was breathing more easily. There is something about a sleeping person that fascinates us – they take on a sort of alien beauty, wearing the face of an innocent stranger. We feel we can do and say all sorts of things we would never do when they were awake.

Howard must have felt this fascination, because he continued stroking Vince's hair and the curve of his cheek. Sometimes he thought Vince's face was all sharp lines and odd angles, but looking at it under soft lamplight, he could see the child-like roundness to it as well. Vince's face didn't make any sense, but somehow you looked at it the right way and everything fell into place. It was just like the rest of Vince.

Howard gently ran his finger around Vince's mouth, and pressed it across his lips; he was surprised when Vince began suckling on his fingertip like a sleeping puppy. It felt perverse to leave his finger there, but he worried if he removed it that Vince would wake. He felt a guilty pleasure, and also a deep melancholy at whatever unconscious lack Vince was finding solace for in sucking on him.

Suddenly Vince gave a sigh, and Howard took his finger away. Vince opened his eyes, and looked at Howard with a mocking expression. He had awoken all of a piece, with no sign of sleepiness or confusion. Howard got the uncomfortable feeling that Vince knew everything that had transpired between them.

"Alright Howard?", Vince asked. He didn't seem surprised to find Howard sitting next to him.

"You okay, Vince?", Howard asked in return. "You were having a nightmare".

"I know", Vince replied plaintively. "It was horrible, Howard. I dreamed that you died, and I was all alone in the world, and didn't know how I could keep going without you. Please don't ever die, Howard".

"I'm not going to die, Vince", Howard reassured him. "I'm young and strong and healthy. I have a job with plenty of physical activity. I eat grapefruit. I don't smoke. I'm a careful driver".

"But in my dream it was all a mistake, you weren't meant to die. And in my dream you were taken away in a London cab, and I never saw you again".

"I'm no expert on the afterlife, Vince, but I'm pretty sure you don't get taken away by cab when you die", Howard said. "It was just a silly dream".

"I couldn't bear it, Howard", Vince went on. "In the dream I had to arrange your funeral, and I kept thinking I need Howard to help me with this, and I made a mess of everything because you weren't there, you'd left me all alone".

"I won't leave you Vince, I'll never leave you", Howard soothed.

"You leave me all the time", objected Vince. "What about when you told me to meet you under the elm tree at three o'clock, and I waited for you and _waited_ for you, and you never showed up?".

"I _didn't_ say to meet me under the elm tree at three – I said I was going to Elstree for three hours".

"Why did you go to Elstree?", asked Vince.

"I was ... on official zoo business", said Howard, sounding guarded.

Vince knew whenever Howard got that shifty tone in his voice that he had been up to something. He wondered why Howard had really gone to Elstree, and hoped he hadn't been there to meet with Bob Fossil. He didn't like the way Fossil kept referring to having made violent love to Howard. He didn't want anyone doing violence to Howard, and loving Howard was something he thought only he could do.

He knew Fossil tried it on with everyone – he tried it on with Vince more than anyone else. But then, Vince was an expert in the art of the cocktease, and knew how to promise the world while delivering precisely nothing. Howard was the sort of gormless tit who would actually do what Fossil demanded because he didn't think he had any choice. (Vince had not heard the phrase "people pleaser", but even if he had, might have thought "gormless tit" more apt).

And not only that, but there was a strange similarity between Howard and Fossil. Both of them had the air of living a secret life, of not being everything they appeared on the surface. Of course, Vince had a separate life from Howard too, but that was all published in magazines – if Howard burned to know what Vince had been up to, he could read about in _Cheekbone_. The only thing Vince had ever discovered about Howard in print was that he had been stalking Mrs Gideon, or at least her fish.

Probably Howard's life away from Vince was something boring like Jazz Club or Danish cinema or an Existential book group or the wild hedgerows of Surrey. But there was always that mysterious aura about Howard that left Vince feeling he might be up to all sorts of tricks on the side, and it drove him wild. Howard's mind was like a Chinese puzzle box, and the secret to opening it was beyond Vince – or as he put it, Howard was a right dodgy bastard.

"And remember when you left me all alone for an entire _week_?", continued Vince.

"My mum was having surgery in Leeds", Howard reminded him. "You know how worried about her I was".

"I was worried too", said Vince, biting his lip. "I spent all my school holidays with your family: Rose is the closest thing I ever had to a mother. Why couldn't I have gone with you?".

"I'm sorry Vince, but the hospital said relatives only", said Howard miserably. "I know it's not fair".

"Isn't there some way that we could be in the same family?", asked Vince. "I mean, what if something happened to you, and the hospital wouldn't let me see you because we're not related?".

"I don't ... I'm not sure", said Howard, sounding more guarded (shifty) than ever. "There might be. Is that how you see me – like a brother?". He didn't seem exactly pleased with the idea for some reason.

"Something _better_ than a brother", said Vince firmly. "Because some people don't even like their brothers. Leroy says his brother is a complete tosser, and they haven't spoken in years".

"That's because Leroy's brother is an estate agent", agreed Howard.

"If we _were_ in the same family, would my name be changed to Vince Moon instead of Vince Noir?", Vince enquired.

"You can't give up your surname, Vince", Howard said. "It's the only connection you have to your family now".

"Weren't much of a family", said Vince moodily. "I mean they dumped me, didn't they?".

"No way", said Howard bracingly. "Nobody would ever dump you, Vince. I bet you just misunderstood them. They probably said to wait there and they'd be right back, but you thought they said they didn't care and weren't coming back. I bet it was just like that mix-up with the elm tree".

"Yeah that's right", said Vince with a sudden radiance. "They're probably still looking for me and wondering why I didn't wait for them like they said. When we find each other, I bet we all laugh and laugh over what a stupid mistake I made".

"Yeah that's what will happen", said Howard. "For sure".

"Maybe we could _both_ change our surnames", offered Vince. "We could be Howard Noir-Moon and Vince Noir-Moon".

"Noir-Moon would mean Black Moon; that's actually pretty cool", admitted Howard.

"And Howard?", added Vince. "If you ever do die by mistake, I'll come and find you. I won't let you leave me all alone. You don't need to worry about it".

"I'm not worried", said Howard worriedly. "Because I'm not going to die, it was just a dream".

"I'm serious Howard, I'd follow you to the gates of Hell to bring you back", said Vince earnestly.

"Well that's – wait a minute, why I am going to Hell?", frowned Howard.

"Ooh, you just seem like you've been up to all sorts", said Vince. "You're just so _shifty_ , Howard".

Vince purred this admiringly, as if he thought being shifty made Howard both unbelievably clever and devastatingly sexy. Which knowing Vince, was quite likely.

"I've led a blameless life", protested Howard.

"What about stalking Mrs Gideon?", suggested Vince.

"The papers blew that completely out of propertion", insisted Howard. "All I did was have a bit of a cry into her fish pond. I didn't climb in her bedroom window or anything – because she keeps that firmly locked and bolted, and the curtains are very heavy as well, so you can't see much".

"And you bummed a fox", went on Vince.

"That was just a rumour, Vince. Although I admit that Jack and I did get too close – it was a mistake on my part, caused by being such an extremely caring zookeeper".

"And Leroy says that you and Bob Fossil did all sorts of things together", Vince went on, looking flirtatiously at Howard for a reaction.

"Okay, now that we've established I'm definitely going to Hell, perhaps we could also definitely go back to sleep", said Howard, as if suddenly wearied.

"Will you sleep with me, Howard?", asked Vince.

"These beds are hardly big enough for one person, let alone two", demurred Howard.

"Please Howard", Vince said beseechingly. "I'm still frightened from the nightmare, and I'm scared of losing you, and remember all the times you left me alone to go to Elstree and Leeds? Don't leave me alone now, Howard".

"Oh alright then", said Howard with a sigh.

If Vince had been trying to prove that Howard really _was_ a people-pleasing gormless tit who could be easily manipulated by others, mission accomplished.

Howard switched off the lamp and got into bed with Vince, gingerly climbing in beside him, and finding that, as he feared, there just wasn't room. Most of Howard was hanging over the side of the bed, and the wooden frame was digging into his ribs.

"This is really uncomfortable, Vince", Howard noted.

"Here, I'll move over a bit more", said Vince.

"Ow, your hip is poking into me", said Howard crossly.

"I'll move my hip", said Vince, swivelling it against Howard.

"Your elbow is poking into me".

Vince brought his elbows in and held his arms closer to Howard.

"Now your chin is poking into me", complained Howard. "Is there any part of your body that isn't sharp and pointy?".

"I dunno, maybe my bum?", suggested Vince. He flipped over so that he was facing away from Howard. "Is my bum poking into you, Howard?".

"No, your bum is perfectly fine", said Howard evenly. "It's your shoulder blades that are poking into me".

"Thanks for saying my bum is perfect and fine", said Vince happily. "That means a lot to me".

"No offence, Vince, but you're terrible to sleep with", said Howard, trying not to sound as grouchy as he felt.

"Tell you what, you get comfortable in bed first, and I'll fit around you", said Vince. He got up, and allowed Howard to lie down on his own.

Howard lay on his back, taking up nearly all the bed. If Howard had to hang over the side sharing with Vince, there was simply nowhere for Vince to lie down with Howard unless he curled up into the size of a family pet.

Vince solved this dilemma by lying directly on top of Howard, face first.

"This is quite comfortable", Vince said, as if making an important discovery. "You make a good mattress, Howard".

"Get off me, Vince", said an outraged Howard.

"No way, this is the best I've felt in bed for ages", said Vince. "I'm staying put". He gave a stretch as if settling in for the night.

"I really must insist", said Howard through gritted teeth.

"You know what I like doing on comfortable mattresses?", said Vince. "Bouncing up and down on them". He gave an experimental bounce on the furious Howard.

"That's it, Vince, I will not stand for being bounced on".

"'Course not, I can't bounce on you if you stand up", said Vince in a reasonable tone. "Come on, Howard, let's sing the bouncy bouncy song together. _Bouncy bouncy, ooh such a good time, bouncy bouncy, mmm Howard's good to bounce on_ ", sang Vince in time to his actions.

"That isn't even the words to the song", said Howard. "You're just making up anything".

"I'm improvising as I go", said Vince, bouncing on Howard.

"You know Vince, I'm really not enjoying this", said Howard.

Vince stopped bouncing for a moment.

"Are you quite sure about that?", asked Vince. "Because now there's a part of you poking into me, and that part seems to be enjoying it a lot".

"I don't really like what that part's doing then", said Howard, sounding tense.

"That's funny, because I really like the poky part of you, Howard", said Vince warmly. "It's hands down my favourite thing about you right now".

Howard didn't say anything in response, and Vince took this as a sign to keep bouncing, which he did with renewed gusto. The more enthusiastic the poky part of Howard got, the more fun Vince was having bouncing on it.

For some time there was no noise except the slightly ominous creaking of the wooden bed with each bounce. Howard thought that maybe there really was something to this whole bouncy thing now that Vince had finally shut up.

And at least Vince's muscular thighs didn't poke into him and hurt him, and in the right position his hips weren't really any bother, and he found that there were ways Vince could poke into him that were actually rather pleasurable. He thought he might be getting fond of the poky part of Vince as well.

Then there was an especially blessed minute or so when the bed ceased making any noise, and Howard really thought he was completely seeing the point of it all, maybe seeing the entire point of everything ... perhaps he wasn't going to Hell now, but in quite the other direction ... if Vince would move just to the left a bit ... oh yeah, that was it ...

CRACK!

WHUMP!

The bed finally broke, and collapsed on the floor.

And that provoking Vince did nothing but laugh and laugh over it, as if this was exactly the outcome he had been hoping to achieve the whole time.

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged this as first time sex because I decided that Vince had some sexual experience with women, but not with men at this stage. And the show tells us that Howard and Bob had sexual encounters prior to Season 1, but I can't imagine it was pleasurable for Howard, or a mutual decision, and may have been traumatic (a bit like with Eleanor). So it's Vince's first time with a man, and Howard's first time having consensual sex.
> 
> If you're not familiar with Elstree, look it up and you can probably guess what Howard might have been doing there. From what we know of Howard, it most likely didn't go that well for him. (I must admit this theory only occurred to me after I finished writing the story, so I'm being wise after the event).


End file.
